Tuesday, November 18, 2014

words

I started out early as one of many words...loved to talk, sing, and tell stories since I was old enough to do so.  So much so that nearly every elementary school report card, beginning with kindergarten, included the words, Mauri loves to talk a little too much. We cannot get her to stop. 

Honestly. 

As I got older, in my preteen years, the words didn't flow as freely.  Oh they were still there, in my head rolling 'round and 'round, but didn't quite make it to my tongue.  Some things were best left untold.  Hard things that were tough to bear, came even tougher to share.  So the words rolled around, bounced off the walls in my mind, and often seemed to be so loud I wondered if anyone might "hear" what I couldn't share.  Desperate to keep those words locked away, I let the words of my mouth be others-focused, How are you?  What can I do for you?  Tell me about you.  Relationships built on escape...me escaping my reality as I got lost in the words of others; if only temporarily silencing the dysfunctional words that filled my mind and my life.

The past few weeks I've found myself entrenched in challenging personal times.  Tonight I'm frustrated, sad, confused, alone, and worn-out...I feel battle-weary and without words.  No words.  At least not ones that want to leave my mouth.  My mouth doesn't want to open so it's been shut for hours as my head says, I don't have any words. 

And then, quietly, these words come.... 

The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
Your rod and Your staff they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Psalm 23

Ahhh-words.

They float into my mind, overtaking the heavy-laden words. These words bringing light to a darkened spirit and making light a heavy heart.  Meditating on them begins to dislodge the fear that has clamped shut my mouth.  And out the words flow, over and over, slow and steady, stopping at the end of each line and taking it all in, until the peace comes.

I decide, no matter the words that my life is speaking right now, the truth is, God's word trumps them all.  His word has the power to change the words that my life speaks.  
And His are the very words I want to speak.

Trusting...


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