a moment...

I tip-toe into their room at 10pm to put a just-ironed shirt on the dresser, and as I turn to leave, I can’t resist their peaceful sleeping faces so I turn and go back in.  In, to kiss lips and cheeks and foreheads; to breathe in the smell of just-washed hair and to linger and stare at irresistible faces.  How are they 10, 8, and 6, and where did the time go?  The hours clocked as a mommy sure do seem to linger and hurry all at once....lingered when they were babies and seem to have picked up the pace as elementary schoolers...sometimes I can almost hear the time ticking away.  As I kiss soft, freshly scrubbed faces I choke back the thoughts that one day they'll be grown and won’t be here, under our roof for me to bend and kiss in the dark as they sleep on a school night.  So, I stay longer on flannel sheets and study faces propped on spiderman pillow cases and I give abundant thanks.  

Tomorrow we’ll wake up and the clock will start ticking away again, and someone will push his brother a little too hard, another will spill milk at the breakfast table because he’s messing around instead of sitting on his bottom and eating nicely and, I’ll probably have to tell them all over and over to hurry up and get ready for school and then wonder (out loud...very loud) if when I speak any sound comes out because everyone just keeps going about their business instead of responding. But tonight, I rejoice over them, kiss them like crazy and thank God over and over for allowing them to be mine.

 And I cherish this night that we are all under the same roof.

Just Do It

In August I accomplished a tough goal.

  I ran a 5K.

  Now, you need to understand, just 8 weeks prior, I was not a runner and never had any plans to ever run, unless of course someone was chasing me and I had to run for my life.

  And I really wasn't planning on having to do that either!

....just sayin'.

But since I cancelled my Y membership nearly a year ago, I hadn't done much in the way of exercise, and I was feeling it...run-down and blah.  So when one of my closest friends mentioned she wanted to start running, I heard myself saying, I'll do it with you.

What?

So we started meeting early in the morning at a local park in mid-June.  We used the Couch to 5K app, C25K, on our iPhones and off we went.  I know that sounds all easy-breezy, but it was far from it!  Our area has a lot of runners and driving into this park on that 1st morning, it became pretty obvious where they all hung out.  Suddenly, the 2 girls who had never run, were two outsiders walking into a club that we clearly weren't dressed for, or even knew how to blend in to.  It was a bit intimidating to say the least.  So, doing our best to push past that, we set out with our iPhones programmed to week 1/day 1.  I was thinking, Ok, I'm a bit scared of how this running thing is going to go, but I'm not exactly coming from the couch, I mean I do run around taking care of 3 boys so surely I must be starting with a bit of an advantage over the couch potatoes right? But at the end of that 1st day of training, alternating 60 seconds of jogging with 90 seconds of walking for 20 minutes, I was seriously wiped out, beat-down and haggard!  What's worse is I could barely make it up and down the stairs for the next 36 hours.  My non-workout body was in utter shock and my mind was screaming, Just Quit! 

It wasn't pretty and quite frankly if I thought there was any chance my friend wouldn't be waiting for me at the park on day 2, I would have gladly ended my running career right then with a tap of the snooze button, and rolled over to enjoy more sleep.

But I persisted and met my friend 3x a week for 8 weeks until we completed the program.  There were great times of being with my friend and connecting, there were agonizing times when we pushed our bodies way beyond our comfort level, and in summer heat no less.  There were hysterical times like when we set out on our 1st day of running 2 miles, and as soon as we finished our warm-up and began running, the sky opened up and poured torrential rains upon us.  We kept going and laughed most of the way.  The irony was just too much...us running 2 miles in the rain?  We realized that we non-runners had somehow become runners and I was now one of those people I used to call crazy.      

Anyway, we finished the 8 week program, and the very next week we ran a 5K.  It was one of the hardest things I've ever done.  During the last mile I felt as though someone was pummeling my stomach and I was so hot it felt like my head might explode.  But we came across that finish line running.  I was so happy it was over so the pain would end.  But also, so happy it was over because I accomplished a really hard goal. 

And because it was so hard to accomplish it means so much more.   

So this is what I learned...

1.  It's good to get out of my comfort zone and try the hard thing that I don't know how to do.
 (That's a huge stretch for me because my nature is quite the opposite...I generally like to know how to do things before I decide to do them.) It was a great mental and physical challenge to take on something I didn't know how to do.

2.  If I change a bit of my routine, I can change my life.
  Prior to June I had no exercise routine.  But making a place for it in my life over the past few months has helped me mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.  That one change in my routine has changed the shape of my week. 

3. Doing something new with a friend anchors you to that goal.
  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would have quit had it not been for my commitment to my friend.  After the pain and the heat exhaustion, I would have rationalized my way right out of accomplishing that goal and would have gladly rolled over in my bed on day 2.  Without knowing it, she kept me there and I so enjoyed the bonding that experience brought to us.  It was a richer experience because I did it with a friend.
  

4. Give yourself some grace and remember to laugh.
  Woo, is this a biggie!  Grace, grace and more grace.  Remember to come as you are, start where you're at, and just to be all that you can be.  Abandon any temptation at comparison and just do it.  Don't take it too seriously...it's running, not the ER.  I used to always say that when I was a general manager at Gap.  When things were just too crazy stressful, I would say out loud, to myself and whoever else was standing nearby, we're selling jeans, not working in the ER people...let's just chill out! 

5.  Finally, celebrate the accomplishment.
  I did it!  Accomplishing a goal that all of my life I never thought I had the desire or courage for is hard to describe.  But it stirs me on.  It makes me realize that I'm made to do more than even I ever imagined.  It makes me want to keep going.  

I feel the strength and motivation to go after more goals.  Suddenly possibility and hope rise up and bring a certain freedom.  Freedom from small mindsets, freedom from even how I viewed myself.  

Makes me want to see what else this girl can do.

Is this your first visit to Freedom Friday? 

We're embracing freedom each Friday here in 2012.
Click here for a list of the other posts in the series.

I Did It!

Yesterday I told you about my longing for a new do.

  Well, here's my scary before shot in my cousin's chair.  Look at all that hair...yikes!  

She ended up cutting off 15"!  I wanted to donate it but apparently color-treated hair is not acceptable.  I would think that seriously leaves out about 99.9% of women, but whatever.

So the 15" inches went in the trash and this is what I was left with...

I didn't turn into Gwyneth or Sandra but I LOVE it!!

Fruit Appears

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A friend sent this scripture to me the other morning...

But what happens when we live God's way?

 He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard - things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity.

 We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness  permeates things and people.

 We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.
Galatians 5:22-23 (the message)

It was a very timely word for me because on Monday I am entering a new season with different responsiblities and I'm not quite sure how it's all going to go scheduling wise.  A season that has all 3 of my boys in school full-time...Kindergarten, 2nd grade and 4th grade.  A season where I'm not needed to be a stay-at-home mom.  That's a huge change for me because that's been my primary role for over 9 1/2 years and I was comfortable with it.  Still, I'll be here for them in the mornings to get them off to school and when school lets out, I'll be in the carline to bring them home, but in between my days will be different.  I'm nervous and I'll miss not having one at home, but I also am gaining a bit of excitement for what the season holds. 

As I prayed all this year about what I was to do, anticipating this new season coming, two jobs plopped into my lap over the past few months.  These jobs felt right and work perfectly with my family's needs.  I knew that they were answers to my prayers.  But still there's been this nagging anxiousness that has me questioning, how am I going to do all of this?  How am I going to juggle all of these hats?  Mommy, wife, home manager, children's ministry leader, 3-year-old teaching assistant, student (gotta take a college course for one of the jobs), volunteering in each boy's classroom, PTA vice-president, friend, writer, etc.

The thought of juggling schedules and doing it all well has been wearing on me before I even begin.  I was forgetting that I spent the past year praying for this season.  Praying for God's direction and will for me and my schedule.  He's the One who's brought me into each of these things; He's given me the hats to wear. How then, can I put each of them on and forget to look to the One who gave them in the first place?  Scary how easy it is to attempt to take this on in my own power and knowledge and forget the One from whom all wisdom comes.

He knew and so He turns my head back towards Him with His word...

  

And my anxious heart is soothed by the promises for those who live God's way...even in a new season.

Promises that He brings gifts like fruit that appears in the orchard.  I love how the scripture says appears...like it just shows up one day.

Gifts like affection for my children, my husband, my friends, the children I care for and minister to.  Exuberance for life and serenity even when my days are packed with activity.  A willingness to stick with the things He's given me, even when it feels hard.  A deep sense of compassion in my heart for those around me, even 13 little 3-year-olds.  A conviction that believes a basic holiness permeates my labor and the people in my charge.  An ability to remain and be loyal to the duties and people I've committed myself to.  And maybe even best of all, no need to force my way in life.  Trusting that because He's made the way, I am able to direct my skills and energies wisely.  All I need do is rest in Him and let this new season begin.  

So, whatever season you find yourself in, know that if you're doing what God has called you to do, He will cause you to bear fruit.  No effort of your own can bring it about, at least not the lasting, satisfying kind of fruit.  All you need to do is rest on His Vine and watch the fruit appear. 

This was just the kind of reminder I needed this week. 

  

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Is this your first visit to Freedom Friday? 

We're embracing freedom each Friday here in 2012.
Click here for a list of the other posts in the series.

Time for a Change

I'm getting my haircut today.

Over the past 15 years my hair has been every length from super short to super long.

Super long is what it's been for the past several years and I'm so ready for a change.  My cousin has done my hair on and off for years.  Last year I was at her shop admiring a shoulder-length cut she had just given one of her clients.  As the woman stepped out of her chair, I guess my cousin saw the look on my face and immediately announced, Don't even think about it, I'm not cutting your hair that short!  I like my long hair and have gotten lots of compliments on it, but I feel it's time for something new.  New season, new do.  So, I emailed her the other day to make sure she would be on board to give me a serious cut.  She is.  Great!  Still, I'm a bit nervous, what if it ends up looking bad?  What if I start seeing everyone with long hair and regret my choice?  And you know that whole long hair thing and feeling like it's your beauty.  All silly, (and vain) I know.

Whatevs...I'm going for it.

  Just hope I don't chicken out!

Here are a few of my inspiration pics...been pinning these on Pinterest all year!

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Now I better go delete all the long hair pics on my Pinterest hair board so they don't make me misty later!

hello.

It's been far too long since I've been to these pages.  At the risk of an awkward re-entry, I'm just jumping back in with a shy "hello." I feel that sort of awkward, anxiousness you feel when you haven't talked with a dear friend in a very long time...where do I begin?  Do I just pick up the phone and call after all this time?  Then finally, when I've experienced the pulls on my heart so many times that she's showing up in my dreams, I reach out and by God's grace we pick up right where we left off, like we never missed a beat.

  Hoping for that grace to cover me here today with you, friend.

I'll be back this week and we'll catch right up on days gone by and share a bit of what's to come.

  Praying all has been well with you.  

  

Go See This Movie

Last night I went to see an amazing movie.  It's filmed real world documentary style.  "Father of Lights" is a journey around the world to reveal God's heart for His children.  And we are all His children, no matter how we're living, no matter race, religion or caste, He is a Daddy who loves.  Filmmaker Darren Wilson says this about his film on the
"Father of Lights" website....

Father of Lights is about God’s heart. I went into making this film by asking the simple question: who is God? I wanted to know His character, His personality, and who He truly is. To answer this question, we had to peel back the many layers of religious garbage that has been passed onto him through generations. That He is angry. Vengeful. Wrathful. And in general, that He doesn’t like you very much. The truth, as you will see vibrantly in this film, is that He is the most loving, compassionate, and wonderful Father you can imagine.

Check out the trailers below and then check out the website here to see when it will be playing this summer in your city.  Go, watch, get caught up in the movie and be forever changed by the Father's heart for you and for the world.  
You won't be the same.